Planning for the end of life is rarely a fun topic to broach. The conversation is emotional, often uncomfortable and, frankly, it’s not something most of us are thrilled to sit down and have with a loved one.
But here’s the thing: by planning and planning for it head-on, we can make a much more peaceful, meaningful, and dignified experience for our elders.
And when it comes to the end of life, that’s what we should all be striving for. So, how do we design a peaceful end-of-life experience for elders?
Let’s dig in.
Tackling the Topic Early On
Death and end-of-life plans aren’t exactly dinner conversation most days of the week. But it’s important to have the talk with your loved ones as early as possible.
Waiting for an emergency, a crisis, or for someone’s health to worsen can make the end of life stressful and scary—far more so than it needs to be.
So, how do you start this discussion?
It’s simple. Start by “planting the seed.”
Ease into it with something like “Hey, I’ve been thinking a lot about this… and wondering how you feel about your own future plans?”
This is never the type of conversation that’s expected to be wrapped up after 5 minutes. Give the elder some space to think and to respond. Sometimes, they might even come back to you with questions of their own.
This dialogue around end-of-life can and should continue. Bring it up again every few months as the elder’s care preferences become more and more refined.
That might include topics like medical care wishes, places to spend their last few years, religious or cultural traditions, legacy and memory, funeral wishes and more.
Get Their Wishes in Writing
Verbal discussions are important. In some cases, that’s all we have time to do. But written end-of-life plans can prevent confusion and hard feelings later.
Ask your elder to sign an advance directive or living will that spells out their care choices in the event that they are no longer able to make them for themselves.
You can also create a formal health care proxy by law—a person that makes medical decisions on their behalf. Make sure this information is shared with the elder’s doctor so that, when the time comes, there are no surprises and everyone is on the same page.
Funeral or cremation wishes are another thing to get in writing.
Some folks prefer an intimate, simple ceremony. Others opt for a full-service funeral with traditional processions.
Whatever their desires, write them down. It will reduce confusion and ensure that everyone present is able to focus on honouring their memory rather than arguing over minutiae.
Companionship Care
Loneliness is an epidemic for aging adults in our society. It’s even more of an issue for those who live alone or in senior care facilities.
The right companion care service does not just mean a friendly face popping by every day. Companionship care involves certified and trained individuals who understand the ageing process and know how to spot shifts in mood, behaviour, or cognition.
This is a caregiver that can chat, take a short walk, read a story or news article out loud, or simply sit with your elder without speaking if that is what’s called for.
The right presence at the end of life can have a profound impact on an elder’s anxiety levels and sense of peace.
Legal and Financial Clarity
Nobody wants to feel at peace at the end of their lives when there are legal or financial uncertainties hanging over their heads.
Help your loved one get their affairs in order. Not only will they benefit from a sense of closure, but you and the rest of the family will be spared an immense amount of stress.
Update the will. Review power of attorney. Check financial accounts, bank statements, property titles, insurance policies and any outstanding debts.
And when it comes to dealing with estates and inheritance, remember: professionals make navigating probate services accessible. Getting expert help ensures everything is handled smoothly and legally, reducing stress during a time when emotions are already running high.
Honour Their Person
A lot of end-of-life planning involves the mechanical aspects of the transition: where they will live, who signs what documents, what medical decisions should be made in a crisis, and so on.
But the most important part of a peaceful end-of-life experience is not found in any of these things. It’s remembering the individual person.
What were their greatest joys and accomplishments? What stories did they like to tell? What would they want to be remembered for most?
Find ways to celebrate their life while they are still here.
Host a small gathering. Create a video message or compilation. Pass around old letters, scrapbooks, or silly memories.
These will be the things that family members talk about years later and the keepsakes they treasure for generations to come.
Helping our elders feel valued, listened to, and appreciated is a part of end-of-life care that cannot be overstated.
Calm Environments
Environments matter. If at all possible, the places where an elder spends the final months or years of their lives should be calming, safe, and as comfortable as possible.
The home environment can be highly controlled and manipulated in the service of providing a calm and comfortable space.
The same is true of hospice care or senior care facilities.
Dim lighting, soft fabrics and familiar objects are important. Eliminate any harsh overhead lighting, televisions, or other stimuli. Instead, create a gentle rhythm to each day that is attuned to the elder’s natural energy levels, moods, and care preferences.
What small things bring them comfort? Is there a window they love to sit by? Some morning birdsong? Simple indulgences like that can go a long way towards peace.
Support the Caregiver
Caregivers, in many cases family members or close friends, are also under a huge emotional burden at the end of life.
We have all seen it in our own families or the families of our friends: a loved one who tries to do it all, to manage daily activities and medical appointments, while also staying emotionally present for their aging parent or grandparent.
The situation is a recipe for stress, worry, and burnout.
We need to provide support and love for caregivers at the end of life just as much as we do for the elders themselves.
Encourage rest, breaks, and time away when necessary. Offer to step in for days or weeks at a time if the primary caregiver is close to burning out.
Explore respite care options if it becomes necessary. Professional caregivers can be expensive, but they are also trained to spot changes in mood, behaviour, and physical needs.
Caregiver support groups—online or in person—are another great resource to help family members and loved ones cope with the stresses of end-of-life care.
Close with Care and Grace
Saying goodbye is never easy. Even when the end of life has been a peaceful and positive experience, watching a loved one pass on is always a gut punch.
When families can be present and supportive during the final days or weeks, when they have ensured the elder’s wishes are followed and have been surrounded by love, there is a chance for meaningful goodbyes.
Don’t be afraid to talk about death openly. To cry, to laugh, to share stories and memories. Or to just sit quietly with a loved one.
There is no “right” way to say goodbye. There are just ways to be present and gentle.
Death is not the end. Not for the person passing on. Not for the people who love them.
Final Thoughts
Planning and designing a peaceful end-of-life experience for an elder is a labour of love. It takes work and effort and a lot of difficult conversations.
What we get in return is far more than we could possibly offer otherwise.
We make a final act of love, loyalty, and gratitude for all that they have given to us and for all that they will continue to give in memory.
If you are at the beginning of this process with your own parent, grandparent, or older loved one, take it one step at a time. Ask questions, listen, and don’t be afraid to take advantage of other resources.
Professionals, friends, books and online content that have walked this path before us.
While we cannot control the ending, we can control the experience—for the elder and for the people they will leave behind.
Dr. Griffin Thornton is a certified medical researcher with comprehensive experience in clinical research and medical writing applications. He holds a Master's degree in Clinical Medicine from a leading university. Griffin writes for healthcare magazines, specializing in treatment protocol development and patient outcome analysis methods. His expertise includes clinical trial coordination and regulatory compliance procedures. He enjoys cycling and classical music. He creates educational content for medical professionals and research coordinators.
