Well how did that happen? All of a sudden it’s May!
I know I haven’t been posting on the blog very much at all these past few months. I have also been questioning whether to continue with a little delightful, or if it’s time to say good-bye. As the bills rolled in for web hosting and re-regestering my domain name, I felt that might be a good time to call it quits, but as their deadlines loomed closer I didn’t quite feel ready to let it all go as I really have been missing this space, and sharing little snippets of our days.
It’s been a little bit of a roller coaster for my family over the last 12 months. Around this time last year my husband was made redundant. He was still within his trial period at his new work, so they didn’t need to give him any notice, nor a redundancy payout. It was stressful and totally unexpected, but his redundancy could not have come at a better time for our family in every way but of course financially.
Just prior to his redundancy, he was coming home to a sobbing wife and cranky kids. I was just not coping with the our very unhappy baby, who would not sleep for longer than 40 minutes, once per day, and spent the rest of the time screaming and crying. I raced to and from school to drop off and pick up the kids on auto pilot – and often on that 8 minute journey I cried too as Owen screamed in his car seat.
I held him all day, in my arms or in a baby wrap. I seriously got nothing done. Noah and Chloe needed more attention and energy than I felt I could give them.
Overnight Owen didn’t sleep either, and woke every hour or two, all night. In the mornings I would feel so defeated, another night gone, with no sleep. Another day I can’t ignore, up we get, time to move along. I rarely left our suburb because I would have a hard time staying awake at the wheel. Any social engagement more than 20 minutes away was always declined, and even most of the invitations to the local coffee shop were too really, I just couldn’t muster up the energy to talk to anyone.
Having my husband home, albeit under stressful circumstances, was a sanity saver when I needed it the most. We tried to make the best of our situation, got little jobs around the house done, spent a lot of time together, took turns to cook and clean and hold the baby, remained positive and talked more than we probably ever have, because we had the time. When he started his new job, I was so proud of us, and felt that we were a stronger couple and family.
A few weeks after he went back to work, I took Owen back to our paediatrician as he was still waking every 1-2 hours overnight, and I was exhausted. I wanted to make sure he was medically OK before we called in the help of any kind of ‘sleep expert’, we were just so desperate. He told us that Owen was still suffering severe silent reflux. We had previously weaned him from his medication at 6 months as we were told that most babies are fine after they are sitting up and eating solids. We hadn’t put two and two together as he had always been a terrible sleeper and that hadn’t changed significantly from when he was on medication. I left feeling awful that he had been suffering so badly all this time, and hopeful that the medication would help him and we would soon be getting more sleep.
A week later we received a call from our paediatrician saying he has made us an urgent appointment with a paediatric orthopaedic surgeon as through a scan of Owen’s spine they were able to determine that Owen had DHH, or developmental dysplasia of the hip. After that appointment, Owen was fitted with a harness to be worn for sleep time (15 hours / day) which made me want to laugh and cry, because there was no way in the world Owen had anywhere near 15 hours of sleep a day! The brace is extremely uncomfortable, especially when you’re 10.5 months old and you’re used to being able to roll around in bed and sleep on your side. He woke around 8-10 times a night for the first 3 months of wearing the brace. We really couldn’t do anything more than to continue to hold him and cuddle him like we always have.
That thick fog of sleep deprivation is not like anything I have experienced before. A year on, my days are still pretty foggy, but it has been lifting slowly which I am very grateful for. It changes you big time, and you’re definitely not the same person. I miss the old me, and sometimes I wonder if she will ever be back.
My Mum also suffered a serious accident, resulting in surgery and a very long road to recovery. I find it hard being thousands of miles away, and wish there was a way I could be in two places at one time.
Sometimes you have to forsake so much of the other stuff just so you can give what little energy you have to your family. I felt I was failing as a mum, wife, daughter and friend. I just couldn’t keep up with it all so some things had to give. A lot of my friendships suffered last year, I didn’t have it in me to nurture those relationships like I would normally. I needed to make my little family my first and foremost priority. And even though I feel so guilty, in my heart I know I just did what I could to get through each day.
I had high hopes for 2015, but this year has also thrown in some new challenges and stresses, with health scares for my hubby, being broken into while we were home, struggling with my study and work load at uni, health concerns for other family members and not getting the news we wanted at Owen’s last orthopaedic appointment.
Little things that normally wouldn’t be such a big deal seem to keep adding up, and when you’re a little fragile, well, they take their toll a little more than they should.
I try to keep it all in perspective, we have SO MUCH to be grateful for and I feel insanely thankful that Owen doesn’t have a serious illness, and that Noah and Chloe are healthy and happy. They love to learn and read and play. I have amazing extended family, that are wonderful and supportive despite the distance between us all. I have wonderful caring friends that have helped me more than I think they know, and I’ll never be able to thank them. Our marriage is as strong as it’s ever been, we are happy, have a roof over our heads and food on the table. We adopted a gorgeous 7 year old golden retriever named Maddie who has become part of our family and is very loved already.
There are people in the world going through so much more than this, fighting harder, losing everything, struggling more than anyone should, which is why I really try to look for the silver lining when things get a little tough. In the end, I know that we are very blessed and that there’s a lesson in everything. I am usually pretty good at finding it, but I’ll be honest and say that some days I feel like I am just plodding through.
I am sorry this has been a REALLY long post. Ten points for you if you have gotten this far. It all sounds like a great big whinge, but that’s not my intention. But it is the reason I have been so quiet on here lately. Time just gets away from me and as soon as my gorgeous kids are in bed, I’m cooking and cleaning and prepping for the next day in order to make life as easy as possible. Now that I am back at uni I also do the bulk of my study in the evenings, so on the nights I give myself off, I don’t want to be anywhere near this computer! Haha π
Thank you for your continued support of me, and a little delightful. I am in awe that so many of you message and email to ask how things are going. And I am grateful for those of you who have helped me through this rough time. I noticed my Facebook page ticked over 8,000 likers over the weekend, that was a lovely surprise to start this month off with. Thank you.
I’m hoping to pop on here more often because behind the scenes we have still been having lots of fun. I hope you have been too! π
xx
bianca
You, my lovely friend, are absolutely amazing. Your positivity is incredible & you’re truly an inspiration. I know it doesn’t feel like it, but I just think you’re amazing & wanted you to know. Big loves to you mumma xx
Oh Tammy, thank you very much for your beautiful message. xxxx I really appreciate it very very much xxx
Thank you for your wonderful post, I’m glad things have gotten better now.
And please don’t stop blogging, I love seeing your thoughts and ideas!
Thank you so much Melissa for your message xx
I’m glad you’re keeping the blog, Bianca. I look forward to each post. We’re here for you, through good times and when life gets rough. Hugs!
Thank you Tita Bg, so lucky to have you xoxox
Honey, you are still standing after all of that ??? That is far more than many, many others could even consider enduring!! Hold your head up proud, you are an awesome lady and an amazing mother. Never ever doubt yourself for a moment. Hope Owen has better news in his future appointments (and hope your mum is recovering as well as possible).
Oh, and please, keep blogging, even if it is only once in a while. Your beautiful words and gorgeous kids would be missed too much otherwise xx
Hi Dawn, Thank you so much for your beautiful message. Thank you lovely, I hope so too that we get better news at his future appointments. My mum is doing better, it’s been a long road. Thank you xxxx
Bianca, your post has me in tears, that’s a lot going on but through the post u can see that you really do look for the silver lining. You’re an inspiration and your family is very lucky to have you xx
Thank you Jenny, we always have to look for the silver lining π thank you xx
oh via ca I hope you are ok!!! That all sounds like a lot to deal with, and although nothing like the things you’ve listed, I understand how all those little things build up and take their toll (for us it has mostly been unexpected financial issues) and I too lately have been reminiscing on the person I was and the life I had before my youngest (few months younger than Owen) came along, and it makes me feel incredibly guilty because obviously I love her and can’t imagine life without her but I was a much more calm person and a better friend back then and I got so much more done, but now with an incredibly demanding toddler who has a very short temper I find myself reluctant to leave the house like you were saying, because it’s just too hard and I know I’m not being a great friend to some people. I really pray for nothing but positive things for your family, I’m so glad you still have a positive outlook and hoping some good news comes your way soon.
Xo adele
Oh Adele I am sorry to hear you have been dealing with a lot of stress lately too. IT really can take it’s toll can’t it. I hope things get easier for you soon lovely! You’re doing an amazing job! x
Thanks so much for popping in to let us what you have been going through. All I can say is big hugs to you and your family and I hope the latter half of 2015 is a lot less stressful xx
Thank you so much Melissa! I hope so too π xx
Thanks so much for sharing, you really are an inspiration to me as mum and brighten my day when I see a post from you. Sending positive vibes your way, you have been through so much so hopefully there is lots of great things coming your way xx
Thank you so very much Carlene for your lovely message!! I am so glad that you find some of the things I share useful π keep well xx
Gosh Bianca that is a crazy crazy series of events! No wonder you haven’t had time for blogging. We will always be here waiting when you write next. I will be keeping you in my prayers lovely and little Owen too. I hope he starts sleeping better for you. You can accomplish so much more when you get a good nights sleep. I hope you get it soon. Xx
Oh Bec, thank you so very much!! Yes, sleep really is amazing isn’t it! Haha. I’m sure we will get there. Thank you for thinking of us and for your lovely message xxx
Thank you for sharing.
Make sure you don’t forget to get your cup filled too. Life can be so busy and we can be so busy trying to fill the cups of our family and friends, that we forget our own.
You sound like you’ve been on a very discouraging journey but for the most part, you’ve managed to take it all in your stride. Just don’t beat yourself up if you have a bad day/week/month.
Yes others have it harder, but that is their story. It doesn’t take away from how tough you have it too sometimes. The last year hasn’t been filled with inconsequential disturbances, they have been real and consuming and exhausting.
Love reading your blog so I’m pleased to see you’ll be continuing. You have a beautiful soul and it shines through A little delightful. X
Thank you Aly for your beautiful words, I really need to read all of that. Thank you, and sorry it took me so long to reply. I have been trying to fill my cup too, it’s not easy and I feel guilty sometimes but I know it’s important! x
I’m so glad you decided to keep going with a little delightful. I love all your ideas and posts and come back regularly for ideas, printables (those Easter tags were just beautiful!) and because I love reading what you’ve been up to. I really hope things become easier for you and you manage to get some sleep. I think you’re amazing and am glad you have great friends to rely on. True friends understand and are there for you when you need them. They are keepers. Sending you a great big cyber hug and wishing you and your family good health and happiness. “Just keep swimming ” x
Hi Jenelle, thank you so much for your message and for your lovely words! I am so glad you were able to use the Easter tags π That makes me smile!! Thank you, yes I am certainly very lucky to have beautiful friends! xx
Oh Bianca, reading your post has brought many tears from my eyes. I am so sorry to hear such troubled heartache you have been through and are still battling with. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. I do absolutely love your blog and I always look forward to your FB posts. You are a legend in your own kind and we all love you. love and hugs your way Bianca. xx
Thank you so much Jodie, your message brought me to tears, thank you for your kind words and your lovely wishes for my family! Right back at you beautiful lady xxx
You are amazing to have battled through so much adversity Bianca! I’m grumpy in the morning these days if Little E wakes just once, let alone 10 times. This is one dad sending all of his best wishes to you and your family, in hopes that the sun shines a little brighter for you each day.
Hi David, thank you so very much!! The sun definitely still shines brightly over here, thank you so much for all your wishes!!
Thank you for not quitting on your blog and us!! I think so many of us can relate, I certainly can and I love that you keep it real and have shared with us how life is. For me, I have come out of that fog a bit, but I so remember it and I send you strength, you’ll get through it, but you’ll never be the same, a new and different version of you!! Take care of you and don’t feel bad in feeling blue about it all, life can be crappy, and not fair, but like you know, you have so much to be grateful for and it will all work out and life will be easier again one day xxx
Thank you so much Megan!!! I do try to keep it real and always want to be honest, I never want people to think that I pretend life is perfect and peachy but at the same time I do really love our life despite the hard times. I feel very blessed. Looking forward to feeling a new kind of normal soon. Fingers crossed π xxx
Healing Rainbow for the slient struggle you’ve been through, but hang in there, i know for one I am deeply inspired by your blog posts, and its my daily routine to check in, life does chuck us Lemons at times and its okay to reach out and ask for help. Looking forward to many more of your amazing blog posts.
Netti, thank you so much, that means a lot to me! I really do miss this space π
I had a little tear as well- I really like your little delightful and I’d miss reading your posts too βΊοΈ. Regular non-sleeping, crying babies are hard enough….. I cannot even imagine how you survived the last year! I’m very lucky to have you in our family even if we don’t see you much xox
Oh thank you so much Cat xo yes regular non sleeping babies are hard aren’t they! Don’t they know how good sleep is? Haha, can’t wait to see you guys, hopefully soon xox
Hi Bianca, I’m new here. You and your family sure have had some large trials. I’m glad that you aren’t quiting your blog, you have great ideas to share and i look forward to your future posts. X
Hi Bianca,
I just wanted to let you know how much you have inspired me to be a better mum. I have been following your blog for quite some time and thought how amazing you were when you had just Noah and Chloe. I’d check in on your blog and you would light a fire in me to create beautiful things with my daughter. Now you have three beautiful babies and you are even more inspiring. Im so sorry to hear you have been going through a difficult time. I pray that things are getting better for you. Thank you for sharing your wonderful blog and l look forward to many more xxx
Hi Sarina,
Thank you so much for your really beautiful message! Thank you π
I am so honoured that you have been a reader for that long and that you keep coming back π Thank you so so much for your support!!!
Bianca — I just found your lovely blog through Pinterest and somehow ended up here. I know this post is well over a year old, so I hope things have gone nothing but up for you since writing this! What a wonderful, uplifting attitude you have. We’d all do well to be more like you!
Hi Michelle,
Thank you so very much for your lovely message! I will admit my blog has been quite idle but life has settled so much since I wrote this post. Thank you so much for thinking of me! π