Dear Zombies & Dogs,

How do you sleep at night? What’s wrong with you? Why are you such a monster?!? I hope your mutant land shark eats you when you sleep! God bless you.

Love,

A disgruntled Christian Foamer

P.S

You are going to Hell

Dear Disgruntled Christian Foamer,

First off, I want to thank you for being concerned about my sleeping, but I can assure you that I sleep really well.

I hate to break it to you but there is nothing wrong with me- unless you somehow know about my current sunburn?  Although, I am worried this cut on my foot but I’m sure with some TLC it will be fine in a few days.

Now, I’m only a monster one night out of the year- yep! You guessed it- Halloween! Last year I was a witch so I’m not sure if I will go the monster route this year. Do you have any suggestions?

Currently my “mutant land shark” is sorting through his kibble and bits. He really is a picky eater and I’m 100% sure I’m not on his desired list of meals.

God blesses us all in one way shape or form, I mean, I bet you are “gifted” in some fashion. I hear you can fill your local bar with some greeeeeat techno from like… 1999.

Thanks for writing!

Sincerely,

Zombies & Dogs

P.S

From what I hear- you can be a total Douchbag and a born again Christian at the same time- so I think I’ll be fine.